1 -f.gabdon, “sleepless in sadness” (via no-dickpix)
There are nights i do not want to be seen, days i do not want to exist. And i am always thinking how easy disappearing would be and that a world this big was made for hiding in.
Sometimes i lie in bed unable to sleep and my neighbours dog doesn’t bark nearly as often as he used to. I think of how fragile his body must be now, how thin his fur will be from all the nights he’s spent out in the garden. I think he will die soon.
It is the saddest realisation to me, our nature as humans. that we neglect the ones on our doorsteps and chase those further out. and i am finding that the more people i meet, the less friends it feels i have.
i spend more time alone than is normal, think more often than is good. My mind plays tricks on me sometimes, creates scenario’s it already knows will never happen. You and I in love, with kids and pets, a house.
I am bigger in body than i was last year and smaller in heart. I do not remember the last time i felt attractive, or the last time i was looked at lovingly. I do not remember a time, i did not feel a need to cover up the shame of my body.
I realise how easy it is to find more reasons to feel down when i am sad.